before you give up on love..

If there is one thing we can say about present day dating, it is that it has definitely changed. I can imagine what dating used to be like, without social media, and online dating sites, and other methods of communication that are now present. We don’t realize how easy technology has made things for us. Before tinder existed, you had to go out and find a girl and yes this meant getting off your couch. It was all about the present, and by present I mean that love was not discovered by websites and profiles but by love at first site. If a man saw a girl he liked walking past the corner store he just might have to stop her to say hello with fear of never seeing her again. This generation has no idea what that feels like. With dating sites, social media, and texting the excitement you get from seeing someone for the first time quickly disappears. This is because you’re not actually seeing them for the first time, you are seeing what they want themselves to be portrayed as, which can cause many problems. Tinder for example, a new app that allows you to “like” or “pass” pictures of men and women. This concept is your modern day “love at first sight”. The only problem is, it is very possible that the person in the picture is not at all who they claim to be. Of course people may argue that dating sites and such allow the two parties to get to know each other well enough before venturing out on a first date. Of course there is some truth to this, but i’m sure many of us know how well people can act behind a computer screen. 

Our modern day dating system has changed the whole dating scene completely. Back in the day if you liked a girl you went out and asked her out maybe dancing or maybe to dinner. Now a days, you ask a girl to come over to your house or for a drink, how romantic. I can’t even begin to explain how much texting has affected the dating system, and love all together. Texting is a thing called non verbal communication. You never have to say a word and can talk to somebody for hours. Texting is great and all when it comes to important messages that need to be sent, but when it comes to daily communication things get very complicated. You see, non verbal communication is hard to decipher. This is due to the fact that went we actually communicate using our words and body language the other person gets a clear idea of what you are saying. Your body says more than your mouth, remember that. So when you take away the main cues that humans need to communicate you get what we call mixed signals. Then we proceed to sit there at home starting at our mobile devices contemplating if “kk” means a person is angry or just busy. Not to mention how anxious we get when someone doesn’t answer our text messages right away. If you were face to face with that person there would be no doubt in your mind what that “kk” meant and there would be no delay in response. 

As if finding love back in the day wasn’t hard enough, it just became harder. We have now thrown screens in between us and are pushing ourselves away more than bringing each other close. The idea of love has changed for so many and I can speak for my generation when I say that many have given up on it. Hell, I’ve given up on love so many times, and of course it always seems like the most logical thing to do when your heart won’t stop hurting. Love has now been modified for everyone to find it, and with ease. But as the saying goes, nothing good every comes easy. 

Although I have to give social media some praise as to advancing the way we meet people. I can admit that social media sites have greatly improved the amount of people I talk to and see. But social media, and texting can sometimes ruin what love is really about and this is where I ask you to think about this. The dating game has changed and will never be the same. The way men and women think about the other sex has also changed. It is important to remember that nothing is better than meeting someone face to face and getting  the full experience of what this person has to offer. Non verbal communication is painful compared the verbal communication, because you miss out on what is real. You miss out on what is right in front of you, and the feeling you get from locking eyes with someone you love. If social media has ruined the human connection for you already then don’t let it ruin love the same. 

My heart truly hurts for the people who have given up on love, because it truly is one of the best feelings in the world. I can also relate to the pain of having your heart broken and I’m not here to say that it is easy trying to put it back together. But I truly believe the best medicine for a broken heart is love, whether it be from a new partner, a friend or family, and with the risk of sounding cheesy, love is really all you need. With that said, and as Maya Angelou once said, “have enough courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time.” For you never know where that one more time will take you. 

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accepting what you can’t change.

When people ask me how I lost my weight, I always tell them that I simply changed my life. I changed my eating habits, I changed my exercise habits, and I changed my emotional habits. Losing weight is not about being on a diet, it’s about learning to be healthy. In doing so, keeping your weight off will be easy, because you have learnt to do so. Learning to live your life a completely different way is no easy task, but it is possible. See, the problem with diets is that they are for a limited time only. You set out on a 3 month venture to lose the weight and you’ve cut out all of your carbs to fit into that dress for your wedding. While many people succeed in doing this, it is important to realize that they have only succeeded in losing the weight. Not keeping it off, which is only half the battle. The last day of your diet you are literally drooling for a piece of bread and can’t wait to taste those carbs you’ve been missing. Chances are, you’re going to eat carbs all week, you deprived yourself of something you really loved and now you’ve gone completely bonkers. Although you looked great for your special day, you did not create a long term system for yourself. This is why people spend years dieting, because dieting doesn’t teach you anything. If you decide to teach yourself how to live, how to eat proper portions, how to try healthier alternatives to pizza and poutine, it is then that you will truly start to live.

During my weight loss, I not once deprived myself of the things I loved to eat, I just ate them in moderation. I had to show myself that the food was not my enemy it was the size of my stomach. I had to teach my stomach and mind that it could run on much less than what it thought it could. By keeping my favourite foods in my “diet” I never craved them. I never binged because when I wanted to eat something not so healthy, I would have a healthy portion and my appetite would be satisfied. Having a small piece of bread everyday is going to do much more for your weight loss, than having salad all week and a whole loaf of bread in one sitting. I can’t stress enough how important it is to teach yourself healthy eating habits, because once you’ve done this you start to live a healthy lifestyle without noticing it. It becomes a habit, and before you know it, you’re craving asparagus and bean sprouts.

The most important thing you can do before losing weight is to accept the changes you are about to make. You must accept that your eating habits are about to change, your exercise habits are about to change, and that your body is going to change. By accepting I mean accepting that living a healthy lifestyle is the only real way to live. You need to accept that a healthy diet and exercise more than twice a week is going to have to be mandatory in order for you to taste success. Although diet is the most important part of weight loss, exercise is absolutely necessary. I used to hate running, like would rather scratch my eyes out than have to run on a treadmill. The biggest change I made was that I had accepted that exercise was going to have to be apart of the rest of my life. If I wanted to continue being healthy and feeling great I was going to have to accept the changes I was going to make. Once you accept that your life is going to change it gets much easier, trust me.

It’s like the quote “change what you can’t accept, and accept what you cannot change”. If you can’t accept being overweight and unhealthy anymore, change it. Diet and exercise are the only way to healthy living, if that’s your goal accept the challenge and do it. Everybody makes the mistake of underestimating themselves when all you need to do is teach yourself a few new tricks. Acceptance is the key factor here, because as we all know just how powerful the mind is. With that said, acceptance is not always easy, but once you get passed it I swear the bread tastes better.

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you must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Ever so often we find ourselves stuck in a jam. We face a hardship and we’re almost certain that there is no getting passed it. For some us that hardship is passing an exam, or buying a house, or getting a promotion at work. We are constantly telling ourselves we can’t do things and we make up reasons as to why we can’t. See the thing is, if you say you can or you can’t, you’re right. Little do people know how much power we actually hold over ourselves, surprisingly enough it’s because we are the only one in charge of ourselves. It is important to recognize this, and you’ll start to be more confident in yourself. If you have or haven’t heard about a self fulfilling prophecy, let me tell you about it. A self fulfilling prophecy is an assumption we make that actually comes true because you act on it as if it were true. For example, you meet Jen a new classmate of yours. You predict that she is very friendly and outgoing. We don’t even realize that after we’ve made that assumption we act as though it were true. So you approach Jen in a very friendly and outgoing manner and guess what, your prediction was right, spot on even. But now let’s imagine meeting Jen which a different approach. You meet Jen, and you assume that she is unfriendly, cold and mean. You approach her in a way that you would react to someone of that manner. You barely say two words, you give a cold look and you walk on. Jen does the same, and you go back to your desk and think “I was totally right about Jen”. This just goes to show that you have more power over certain situations than you think.

This also goes for yourself. For the longest time I would refuse to ride a bike. I remember how much it hurt falling off of it and I didn’t want any part in it. I would constantly think about how bad I was on a bike and told people how bad I was. Little did I know that I was fulfilling my own prophecy by doing so. So each time I tried to ride a bike I just couldn’t do it, it just didn’t work even though i tried so hard. After that I never tried again and for years would tell people how awful it was that I couldn’t ride a bike. Years later I remember sitting outside on a beautiful day with a friend. She loved to bike and I was always so envious of her will to just get on her bike and go. In that moment, I thought to myself, Meg is it really that hard to ride a bike? She was trying to convince me to ride a bike. She made a good point and told me how easy it really was. It was as if I flicked a switch in my head, and I got up off the sidewalk and said, let’s ride the bikes, I know I’m capable. I was confident that what I was about to do I could not, and would not fail at. I had every opportunity to accomplish this and I was determined. Let me tell you, I got on that bike and flew. I was riding the bike as if I had been riding one for years. I felt so stupid after for telling myself I couldn’t do it for so long when in actuality all I had to do was believe in myself.

Not only was riding the bike exhilarating but I had never felt so accomplished in my life. Then I thought to myself, if I can do something that I thought I never could, what else am I missing out on? As much as this may sound cheesy, the power is all in your mind. If you walk into work thinking that you’re going to have a bad day and that your boss is going to nag, you will then approach the situation in a manner allowing that situation to occur. If you turn it around, you’ll be in a better mood, getting your stuff done,  preventing your boss from having anything to nag about. When you start to realize how easy it is to turn things around in your favor, you begin to do it all the time. Thus becoming a very healthy habit, that only good can come from.

With that said, if you decide to assume a situation or predict how a person might be, it could be dangerous. Try to be open and positive and surely it will come back to you. Send out the positive and it will come right back like a magnet. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt and just be the great person that you are. Chances are that great personality you have will rub off onto the new person you just met, allowing both of you to enjoy each others company. Last time I checked we are not mind readers, so do not try to predict how someone will act under any circumstance until they show you who they are. Then you are free to make as many judgments as you want, although I would refrain from that, because you’re not perfect either. Just remember, assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME.

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be sure to taste your words, before you spit them out.

In moments of anger and happiness, we sometimes say things we don’t mean. We say the first thing that comes to our mind , and we’re satisfied in that moment. Later on, you have time to think about what you said, you begin to feel remorse because you now understand how that comment might have made that person feel. You feel stupid and you wish you could take it all back right away, so you try and do just that. You call the person and you tell them how sorry you are. You explain to them how you were feeling in that moment and although thats no excuse it will never happen again. It takes some convincing but soon enough the person you hurt forgives you and all is well and you feel some relief. Forgiveness is great don’t get me wrong, second chances are sometimes deserved but what about when forgiveness is not enough. You know the saying ” forgive, but don’t forget”, well theres more truth to that quote than you might think.

With taking an interaction and communication class, I was able to learn a lot about how important communication is. We all know that we need it to do just about anything and there are many ways to do it. There are also many different languages that we are able to communicate in, languages being one of the greatest functions that we humans possess. As much as we see communication to be the threshold of our society, there is also an aspect of it that some of us haven’t realized yet. I’ll be honest I only realized this aspect yesterday and it made me think about a lot of things that i’ve said. It’s not a good feeling at first because you feel that you may have said too much. It is after the fact that you realize that you can look at communication in a different way for the rest of your life, and I believe that looking at it in this way will benefit your future relationships.

Believe it or not, communication is irreversible. You can apologize for something until your blue in the face but it still won’t remove that memory from the person’s mind. Let’s say you get into a fight with your boyfriend and you are so angry that anything hurtful you can say to him right now will make you feel better. You decide to hit below the belt and say ” well your mother is stupid!”. Boom. You dropped a bomb, and in that moment you’re both angry and will say anything. Little do you know the damage that small comment is going to make. Fast forward you both calm down and you feel so bad about insulting his mother. You can’t even believe that you would stoop that low and feel the worst you’ve ever felt. You apologize constantly about the comment and promise to make it up to him. You assure him that his mother is so smart, and that you were even thinking of taking her to lunch next week (great save). After hours of apologizing he finally forgives you and you’re a happy little couple again and your thankful you saved the situation. Little do you know that every time you talk about his mother he will remember you calling her stupid. Every time you’re with his mother, he will have the image of you yelling how stupid she was. It’s not like he’s going to tell you he remembers, but I bet you anything he will.

The point is, we need to start realizing that we say too many things we don’t mean out of emotion. Whether it be ”  I hate you” or ” I love you” or whether you mean it or you didn’t, it is irreversible. Take a moment to think about what you’re about to say to that person and how that will affect your relationship in the long run instead of how it will make you feel right now. You want people to remember you by the things you took the time to say, instead of the all the unnecessary communication you thought you needed to use. This is where I ask you to carefully reconsider the way you communicate, because as we say, it is of great importance to us and our success. This does not mean to regret the things you’ve said because just like communication, life is irreversible, so don’t waste your time regretting things. Instead from now on, take the time to think about how others will feel if you say what you want to say, and possibly how it will make you feel if you actually say it. Joel Osteen once said “You can change your world by changing your words… Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

This post is dedicated to my wonderful teacher Zina Mowszowicz-Suissa.

 

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the importance of failure.

If I were to ask you what failure is, you probably wouldn’t have any words to describe it, but if I asked you what failure felt like it would be a different story. Failure really doesn’t have a definition. I believe this to be, because everybody has a different kind of failure, or a different idea of what failing entails. Technically failure means a “lack of success”. We associate failure with negative feelings, emotions, and ideas. You hear the word failure and it automatically makes your stomach turn because nobody likes to fail. There is a constant negative aura around the word failure, but I believe its time we start looking at failure in a different light.

Let’s take success for example, failure’s complete opposite. When you succeed I can speak for everyone when we say there is no other feeling like it. You did it, you made it, but now what? If you are already good at something is it really teaching you anything new? Are you learning from your success or just moving forward from it? We do a lot of “moving forward” but I believe we are not learning enough as we move along. Everybody automatically thinks that success is the answer and if you can be successful then all your problems are solved. Not quite the case, because it is important to be aware of the things you learn form your experiences, the things you take with you to improve your well being.

Let’s say you take a test, you get it back and you got a 85%. You’re happy with it and the preparation you did for this test paid off very well. In that moment you feel so great, you feel like you can do anything, and that you’ve got all the necessary skills to succeed . Sure, out of the whole successful test experience you got a moment of euphoria, but let me ask you, did you learn anything from it? Did you learn something about yourself? about your work ethic? about your studying abilities? Truth is,  all you got from that inch of success was reassurance. Reassurance that everything you’ve done up to this date is satisfactory. But what about when you fail?

Let’s say you take a test, you get it back and you got an 52%. You’re shocked and can’t believe that all the preparation you did for that test was not enough. In that moment you feel terrible, you hide your paper from the rest of your class and you sit there in silence pondering what could have gone wrong. You start to think about your methods of studying, and if they really were effective. You think about how much time you spent studying and you say to yourself ‘maybe I could have studied a little longer’. In failure, you become self aware of your habits, your emotions, etc. Self awareness is one of the most important things you can have in life, because sometimes we really think we know ourselves but in reality we haven’t even started. Making mistakes teaches you a lot, much about yourself, about others, about what your capabilities are and what they aren’t. It allows to reevaluate  yourself, failure gives you a chance to change, and to make yourself better. We can’t be the best we can be without uncovering the worst and fixing it.

Some of the most successful people in the world knew failure very well. Did you know Michael Jordan was rejected from his high school basketball team? bet that taught him a lot. Even J.K Rowling! She was refused from many publishers before one finally decided to pursue her, let’s just say J.K Rowling is definitely rolling in the dough now. The point is, if Michael Jordan would have made that basketball team, it is very possible that he wouldn’t have worked as hard to get where he is today, which would indeed affect where he is today. If J.K Rowling hadn’t gotten rejected so many times maybe the Harry Potter story would have been much different, maybe Ron and Hermionie wouldn’t have ended up together! ( oh the horror!!!)

The truth is, you become the person you are from your mistakes, from your failures, they teach you about yourself, and about others. Success is short lived, while failure is long lasting. You will learn more from any failure you have ever had, than all your success’s put together. I’ll be honest, you’re gonna fail, maybe once, maybe a hundred times, but I can guarantee that you will fail. It took me 3 years to lose 95 pounds, and yeah I did it. But I never talked about the 8 years that had been trying to lose the weight before I actually did. Every time I failed at losing weight it just taught me more about what worked and what didn’t. Here I am, after all those failures, I finally succeeded and although it was not an easy road I would not have had it any other way. The more you fail, the more you learn about yourself, and discovering new things about your personality can open doors like you won’t believe. It is important to not look at failure in such  a negative light because failure will do more for you than success ever will.

 

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they say revenge is best served..happy?

Everyday we are faced with hardships and roadblocks. We come across people who we believe want to help us but in turn only hinder our success. At first they seem helpful and nice, but then slowly they slip into someone else. This can anger a person, it makes me really mad when this happens because it’s just another person I believed in who wasn’t really the person I believed in at all. This comes with wearing my heart on my sleeve, you get hurt a lot and it sucks but you have to deal with it, just like everything else in life. I used to have a hard time dealing with my emotions but now I know exactly when and where they are needed, which brings me to my next point.

Most people when they get hurt act in the moment. They take that frustration and they do something crazy with it, not realizing they are only hurting themselves even more. It’s just like they say “Never make a decision when you’re angry. Never make a promise when you’re happy.” When you are angry you are literally in a different state of mind and are 150% not thinking rationally. In this generation it’s all about instant gratification, now now now, here here here, why why why. So if someone hurts us, we think that shitty feeling we have will go away if we do something about it right now. WRONG. People think that if they hurt that person right back they will feel better, feel accomplished, feel like they gave that person what they deserved. WRONG AGAIN. You know what you gave that person? A reason to not like you even more. When you react out of anger, what does that say about yourself? about your character?  about how mature you are? and how you deal with situations? It says you can’t deal with any of those things because you can’t even handle your emotions. I can totally understand that sometimes there is no controlling it depending on the situation but if it becomes a regular thing it is now that I suggest you consider my advice.

Have you ever thought about the effect that happiness has on someone who is not happy? People do hurtful things and sometimes they can’t even explain why they do them, you can imagine how much more confused they’ll be when they see that their actions caused nothing but happiness. If someone says to you that you’re ugly and you’ll never get married, go out there and be happy, don’t listen to what people have to say their words literally mean nothing, if you believe in yourself otherwise. They’ll look at that person they thought was ugly and would never get married with a completely different outlook. The best revenge is showing that their words didn’t surpass your thick skin, it will drive them crazy when they realize they have found someone they can’t hurt with their words or actions. The day you decide to worry only about your own actions and about your own happiness is when others will start to reevaluate themselves too. If someone makes you unhappy it’s best you be on your way anyways, busy making friends with people who want to help you and empower you, busy being the happiest you’ve ever been.

With that said, if revenge is what you seek, then start out by seeking your own happiness, and let karma do the rest.

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you’re going to vote, right?

As many of you may or may not know I live in Montreal, Quebec. If you’re not from here I’m sure you’ve heard about all the drama that’s going on in this beautiful city , and if you haven’t, let me tell you. The PQ won minority last election and they are now trying to put in motion what they call “The Charter of Values”. They are also trying to get majority as if they don’t have enough power already and they’ve called another election on April 7th. I’m not here to lecture you on politics but I am here to tell you why it is so important that you vote. 

First, I need you to think about the freedoms that we have. By freedoms I mean, our freedom of speech, freedom of thought, etc. These things don’t cross our minds because we are so used to them, they go un noticed because we’re never worried that’s gonna change. We can say that about Montreal but there are in fact countries out there where freedom of speech and thought are not really free at all. Now, if something like that can happen in a different country, what makes us believe its not going to happen here? Take for example The Charter of Values I mentioned above. The Charter of Values states that people are no longer allowed to wear religious symbols in the workplace. They are supporting The Charter of Values with the idea that “equality” is the reason behind it. We all know how stupid that sounds, but it’s not the point. 

The point is, they are trying to put in motion a law that tells you what you can and cannot wear. You might think, well it’s just religious symbols we can live without them in the workplace. But what about if they start to infringe on other things we wear, what if they start to control what we say and what we do. We may think The Charter of Values is not so bad, right now. But once the it’s passed, they’ve won, and they would control what you can and cannot wear to work. It sounds a little bit like George Orwell’s 1984 to me, because this issue may seem small now, but slowly who knows what could come of it. Right now it could be just the banning of religious symbols, but who knows when they’ll decide that religious talk is not appropriate for work either. 

Think about those people who don’t have control over what they say and do in life. Think about how they feel, they were probably in our shoes at one point too, thinking “it’s not so bad..could be worse”. I’m sure they were allowed to vote too, and i’m sure some of them didn’t even vote at all..If we could ask those people now what they would have done differently they would probably say that they should have voted when they had a chance. Which brings me to the message I want to get across. You have a chance to vote now, you have a say, you get to choose who you want to run your government, don’t let your fate be up to someone else. It’s always the people who don’t vote who complain the most! 

Although the issue at hand may seem small I ask you to think about your future, about your future job, and about your future kids. You are literally given a opportunity to have a say in how you live the rest of your life, please don’t leave it up to someone else unless you’re cool with the idea of living life any which way the people in power decide. It hits home because this is the reality in Montreal right now, so, with that said, you’re going to vote…right? 

If you haven’t read or heard about George Orwell’s “1984″ I suggest you read it, while you still can. 

Once again this post is dedicated to a huge influence in my life, my teacher Zina Mowszowicz-Suissa, thank you for the inspiration. 

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