student or socialite?

It’s been 4 years since I began College and now I am in my last semester, finally. Each year I began to feel older and older as the years passed, and the younger got younger with every new freshman. I remember when I just started college and how big of a deal it was to me. I would spend so much time getting ready in the morning that I would have to wake up 1 hour before I had to leave. I would take 15 minutes just to pick an outfit, that suited my mood, the weather, and the current trends we teenagers had to keep up with. I remember thinking how many people there would be at my school and cringing at the thought of not looking good. And of course you had to impress all the boys, because that’s just what girls do right? Now this lasts for about 2 weeks, and then you realize that maybe you rather sleep a little longer than apply fake eyelashes to your beautiful real ones. 

Every year on the first day of school, my College is like a fashion show. Students from around Montreal get on their best outfits and head on down to school, hoping to impress everyone. When I started there and I was the freshman it wasn’t so bad, but as the years went on I noticed how much worse each year was getting. You can expect people to look their best on the first day because we all want to make an impression right? For the passed two years it’s as if they are just cloning last years students to make up this years freshman.  It’s a competition of who can wear it better, and a struggle telling the difference between who is who. And you are correct if you are thinking “first impressions are important” but let me explain to you just how important your impressions will be. 

Some girls dress as if they might go for drinks after their 8 am Macroeconomics class, or as they might on a first date. And the makeup, the amount of makeup some of the girls wear, I really don’t know how they do it. Now, I’m not against doing your makeup or wearing nice clothes. You can be educated and look good doing it, but if you are trying to make a fashion statement every time you walk into class you are going to exhaust yourself. Girls should’t feel pressured to wear what everyone else is wearing but each year, it becomes their greatest concern. Not to mention that girls are dating at such a young age, that it has also become a trend. It’s all about finding a boyfriend, and looking “hot”. The minute we threw out those high school uniforms we doomed ourselves forever. Since when did school welcome high heels and short shorts? 

We go to school to educate ourselves right? To get a good job, buy ourselves nice things, go on vacations, etc. So why are some of us going to school with the sole intention of impressing people? Why are girls so focused on getting a boyfriend when they should be focused on getting a good education. See the problem is when you dress to impress, you only impress the people who care about your looks. You will only impress the guys who want a quick fling and think that you are hot enough to be it (which you are, but that’s not the point). The point is, if you focus on your education things will drastically change. If you focus on your studies, and participate in class and make it a point to put an effort into school, your impression amongst the boys will be much different. You will impress the guys who also take their education seriously as it is a privilege, not something to be taken for granted. You will impress the guys with ambition, who are looking for a girl who wants to succeed just as much as they do. You will impress the guy who wants to change the world, and is studying to be a doctor, or lawyer, or scientist, not the one playing cards in the cafeteria. You will impress the guy who will look beyond your appearance, and appreciate what is in your brain and not in your bra. 

We as girls have to realize that what makes us unique is what makes us so beautiful. The willingness to learn and educate ourselves is what makes us so sexy. Not the bag we carry, or what we wear to school. That’s the look you want to go for, because when it comes to being successful, there is no dress code. 

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Reality: What a concept!

robinWhen the news surfaced that Robin Williams had passed away, many of us just couldn’t accept it. It was difficult to get our heads around the notion that someone so talented and funny could be taken from us so soon. Maybe some of us didn’t even bother to believe the news and others cried. Then there was the good handful of us, who decided it was our personal mission to solve the Robin Williams murder case. We needed to know everything, how he died, and where he was. We desperately needed to know his thoughts before he died, and how it could have been stopped. Not to mention that the news wasn’t enough for some of us and they demanded proof. So out went the false photos of our dear friend Robin that weren’t even believable if you ask me. But for some of us it just wasn’t enough, it just wasn’t enough to accept that we lost a great actor just like we lose people everyday who mean a lot to us.

I have to admit, among many of us Robin Williams was a big part of many of our childhoods. He was our favourite actor, our favourite genie, our favourite nanny in disguise. Not to mention how many other projects he worked on which made him the actor he was before he passed. There were rumours that he was suffering from depression, others say he was in the early stages of Parkinson’s disease. Many others blame his death on drugs and when it finally came out from the most credible source possible, suicide was determined. And that was not even enough for some people. Us regular Joes tend to forget that as much as we believe a celebrity is present in our lives, it does not make it our buisness to know every single thing about them. 

What really saddens me the most is that celebrities have jobs like everybody else, with bills to pay like everybody else, and they also have problems like everybody else. Sorry to crush any dreams out there, but if you still think that you’re going to end up with Robert Pattinson you need a serious reality check. Celebrities are no different, they take showers, and have grandparents, just like you! (hard to believe, I know..) See, I am a realist. It is not realistic that one day you will find a way into Kim Kardashian’s home and she’ll take one look at you and fall madly in love and leave her money and family behind. It is not realistic that we find it so hard to believe that an actor has passed away, when we all share the same fate. Of course, I understand the personal connection that one can have with an actor/actress because I can also understand that they may make you feel a different kind of way. Robin Williams will forever hold a place in my heart for the simple reason that he could make me laugh like no other. I guess you can say besides the big bank accounts, making people happy is something actors and actresses take home from their jobs too, but in the end they are just like us. 

With that said, the reality is, it is NONE of our buisness how he died, or what he was like before he passed.  It is none of our business how much money he left to his family, or what they are going to do with his house. It doesn’t matter what the details are because nothing can ever change the way we all felt about Robin Williams, and how he made us laugh, that familiar feeling, like there wasn’t a problem in the world. I find it better to remember him in that way, rather then all the gruesome details of his death. For how he died is not important, it’s how he lived that is. 

R.I.P Robin Williams 

1951-2014

the moment you settle.

Every single day we are faced with decisions, and the way we deal with each decision really does make up the content of our lives. Sometimes we are faced with small decisions such as which brand of milk to buy. Although you really love the rich milk that comes from cows on the most secluded farms in the world, you choose the cheap stuff, because well, it’s cheaper. Now instead of having the milk you love, you have the O.K milk and a unsatisfactory feeling in your gut. Sure the O.K milk tastes fine, but sometimes you wake up in the morning and can’t stand the taste. Regardless, every morning you wake up and settle for the lame bowl of cereal you are about to pour yourself. Although buying the cheaper milk saves you a couple of dollars, is it really worth it?

Ah, the famous question we try to ask ourselves in almost every decision, “is it worth it?”. Some of us ask our selves if the milk is worth it, and others if they find themselves in the right relationship. “He’s sort of mean sometimes, but always comes around with a gift and a beautiful bouquet of flowers”. Of course we want to see the good in everybody, and we look so hard for it, but sometimes the most important lesson in life is to have the ability to see the bad. Not search for it, but be able to see it. Take a step back and think about it, is the emotional abuse worth the bracelet and flowers? And I use the terms “emotional abuse” for the simple reason that the moment you call a person ugly, fat, lazy, stupid, or slow you are abusing their emotional state. And so the water becomes a little smaller in the pool of great partners.

I think I can speak for everybody when I say that we’ve all heard someone say “all the good ones are taken”. Although there is some truth to this fact, that does not mean it is entirely true, and this is where I tell you my story. For years, I settled, on everything. I settled on my relationships, the food I ate, and the friends I had. In some situations settling seems like the only thing to do because we know that for that exact moment, someone wants us and we don’t know when and if that will happen again. Then we turn this settled choice into a love story and we spend all of our energy trying to see the good in someone while at the same time trying to forget the bad. You’re so afraid to let go of what you have, that you miss out on what’s really out there. Focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do, because you find yourself settling for nothing. When you put yourself first it doesn’t matter how expensive that milk is, you’re gonna buy it and be happy.

Which is what I did, and I am currently the happiest i’ve ever been. I found someone who exceeds every expectation I could have ever had about a man. All you have to do is keep looking, and make sure you are never settling for less. With that said, and another good one gone, find it in yourself to stop settling for things, and ask yourself “am I worth it?”. On that note, I want to leave you ladies with something. Remember the prince charming we all dreamed about? the one who bought you flowers and told you you were beautiful. The one who likes all of your Instagram photos and texts you each and every day to wish you a good morning or goodnight. The one who will go a mile for you just to see you happy. The ones who show up with your favourite snack or movie.  Those prince’s do exist! It is only once you decide that settling is not for you, that you find prince charming is already around the corner!

With that said, in trying to find happiness we must risk everything we know, and risk that your current  love is nothing compared to what your next love could be, and remember :

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

This post is dedicated to my prince charming, who showed me that dreams really do come true.

 

 

 

before you give up on love..

If there is one thing we can say about present day dating, it is that it has definitely changed. I can imagine what dating used to be like, without social media, and online dating sites, and other methods of communication that are now present. We don’t realize how easy technology has made things for us. Before tinder existed, you had to go out and find a girl and yes this meant getting off your couch. It was all about the present, and by present I mean that love was not discovered by websites and profiles but by love at first site. If a man saw a girl he liked walking past the corner store he just might have to stop her to say hello with fear of never seeing her again. This generation has no idea what that feels like. With dating sites, social media, and texting the excitement you get from seeing someone for the first time quickly disappears. This is because you’re not actually seeing them for the first time, you are seeing what they want themselves to be portrayed as, which can cause many problems. Tinder for example, a new app that allows you to “like” or “pass” pictures of men and women. This concept is your modern day “love at first sight”. The only problem is, it is very possible that the person in the picture is not at all who they claim to be. Of course people may argue that dating sites and such allow the two parties to get to know each other well enough before venturing out on a first date. Of course there is some truth to this, but i’m sure many of us know how well people can act behind a computer screen. 

Our modern day dating system has changed the whole dating scene completely. Back in the day if you liked a girl you went out and asked her out maybe dancing or maybe to dinner. Now a days, you ask a girl to come over to your house or for a drink, how romantic. I can’t even begin to explain how much texting has affected the dating system, and love all together. Texting is a thing called non verbal communication. You never have to say a word and can talk to somebody for hours. Texting is great and all when it comes to important messages that need to be sent, but when it comes to daily communication things get very complicated. You see, non verbal communication is hard to decipher. This is due to the fact that went we actually communicate using our words and body language the other person gets a clear idea of what you are saying. Your body says more than your mouth, remember that. So when you take away the main cues that humans need to communicate you get what we call mixed signals. Then we proceed to sit there at home starting at our mobile devices contemplating if “kk” means a person is angry or just busy. Not to mention how anxious we get when someone doesn’t answer our text messages right away. If you were face to face with that person there would be no doubt in your mind what that “kk” meant and there would be no delay in response. 

As if finding love back in the day wasn’t hard enough, it just became harder. We have now thrown screens in between us and are pushing ourselves away more than bringing each other close. The idea of love has changed for so many and I can speak for my generation when I say that many have given up on it. Hell, I’ve given up on love so many times, and of course it always seems like the most logical thing to do when your heart won’t stop hurting. Love has now been modified for everyone to find it, and with ease. But as the saying goes, nothing good every comes easy. 

Although I have to give social media some praise as to advancing the way we meet people. I can admit that social media sites have greatly improved the amount of people I talk to and see. But social media, and texting can sometimes ruin what love is really about and this is where I ask you to think about this. The dating game has changed and will never be the same. The way men and women think about the other sex has also changed. It is important to remember that nothing is better than meeting someone face to face and getting  the full experience of what this person has to offer. Non verbal communication is painful compared the verbal communication, because you miss out on what is real. You miss out on what is right in front of you, and the feeling you get from locking eyes with someone you love. If social media has ruined the human connection for you already then don’t let it ruin love the same. 

My heart truly hurts for the people who have given up on love, because it truly is one of the best feelings in the world. I can also relate to the pain of having your heart broken and I’m not here to say that it is easy trying to put it back together. But I truly believe the best medicine for a broken heart is love, whether it be from a new partner, a friend or family, and with the risk of sounding cheesy, love is really all you need. With that said, and as Maya Angelou once said, “have enough courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time.” For you never know where that one more time will take you. 

accepting what you can’t change.

When people ask me how I lost my weight, I always tell them that I simply changed my life. I changed my eating habits, I changed my exercise habits, and I changed my emotional habits. Losing weight is not about being on a diet, it’s about learning to be healthy. In doing so, keeping your weight off will be easy, because you have learnt to do so. Learning to live your life a completely different way is no easy task, but it is possible. See, the problem with diets is that they are for a limited time only. You set out on a 3 month venture to lose the weight and you’ve cut out all of your carbs to fit into that dress for your wedding. While many people succeed in doing this, it is important to realize that they have only succeeded in losing the weight. Not keeping it off, which is only half the battle. The last day of your diet you are literally drooling for a piece of bread and can’t wait to taste those carbs you’ve been missing. Chances are, you’re going to eat carbs all week, you deprived yourself of something you really loved and now you’ve gone completely bonkers. Although you looked great for your special day, you did not create a long term system for yourself. This is why people spend years dieting, because dieting doesn’t teach you anything. If you decide to teach yourself how to live, how to eat proper portions, how to try healthier alternatives to pizza and poutine, it is then that you will truly start to live.

During my weight loss, I not once deprived myself of the things I loved to eat, I just ate them in moderation. I had to show myself that the food was not my enemy it was the size of my stomach. I had to teach my stomach and mind that it could run on much less than what it thought it could. By keeping my favourite foods in my “diet” I never craved them. I never binged because when I wanted to eat something not so healthy, I would have a healthy portion and my appetite would be satisfied. Having a small piece of bread everyday is going to do much more for your weight loss, than having salad all week and a whole loaf of bread in one sitting. I can’t stress enough how important it is to teach yourself healthy eating habits, because once you’ve done this you start to live a healthy lifestyle without noticing it. It becomes a habit, and before you know it, you’re craving asparagus and bean sprouts.

The most important thing you can do before losing weight is to accept the changes you are about to make. You must accept that your eating habits are about to change, your exercise habits are about to change, and that your body is going to change. By accepting I mean accepting that living a healthy lifestyle is the only real way to live. You need to accept that a healthy diet and exercise more than twice a week is going to have to be mandatory in order for you to taste success. Although diet is the most important part of weight loss, exercise is absolutely necessary. I used to hate running, like would rather scratch my eyes out than have to run on a treadmill. The biggest change I made was that I had accepted that exercise was going to have to be apart of the rest of my life. If I wanted to continue being healthy and feeling great I was going to have to accept the changes I was going to make. Once you accept that your life is going to change it gets much easier, trust me.

It’s like the quote “change what you can’t accept, and accept what you cannot change”. If you can’t accept being overweight and unhealthy anymore, change it. Diet and exercise are the only way to healthy living, if that’s your goal accept the challenge and do it. Everybody makes the mistake of underestimating themselves when all you need to do is teach yourself a few new tricks. Acceptance is the key factor here, because as we all know just how powerful the mind is. With that said, acceptance is not always easy, but once you get passed it I swear the bread tastes better.

you must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Ever so often we find ourselves stuck in a jam. We face a hardship and we’re almost certain that there is no getting passed it. For some us that hardship is passing an exam, or buying a house, or getting a promotion at work. We are constantly telling ourselves we can’t do things and we make up reasons as to why we can’t. See the thing is, if you say you can or you can’t, you’re right. Little do people know how much power we actually hold over ourselves, surprisingly enough it’s because we are the only one in charge of ourselves. It is important to recognize this, and you’ll start to be more confident in yourself. If you have or haven’t heard about a self fulfilling prophecy, let me tell you about it. A self fulfilling prophecy is an assumption we make that actually comes true because you act on it as if it were true. For example, you meet Jen a new classmate of yours. You predict that she is very friendly and outgoing. We don’t even realize that after we’ve made that assumption we act as though it were true. So you approach Jen in a very friendly and outgoing manner and guess what, your prediction was right, spot on even. But now let’s imagine meeting Jen which a different approach. You meet Jen, and you assume that she is unfriendly, cold and mean. You approach her in a way that you would react to someone of that manner. You barely say two words, you give a cold look and you walk on. Jen does the same, and you go back to your desk and think “I was totally right about Jen”. This just goes to show that you have more power over certain situations than you think.

This also goes for yourself. For the longest time I would refuse to ride a bike. I remember how much it hurt falling off of it and I didn’t want any part in it. I would constantly think about how bad I was on a bike and told people how bad I was. Little did I know that I was fulfilling my own prophecy by doing so. So each time I tried to ride a bike I just couldn’t do it, it just didn’t work even though i tried so hard. After that I never tried again and for years would tell people how awful it was that I couldn’t ride a bike. Years later I remember sitting outside on a beautiful day with a friend. She loved to bike and I was always so envious of her will to just get on her bike and go. In that moment, I thought to myself, Meg is it really that hard to ride a bike? She was trying to convince me to ride a bike. She made a good point and told me how easy it really was. It was as if I flicked a switch in my head, and I got up off the sidewalk and said, let’s ride the bikes, I know I’m capable. I was confident that what I was about to do I could not, and would not fail at. I had every opportunity to accomplish this and I was determined. Let me tell you, I got on that bike and flew. I was riding the bike as if I had been riding one for years. I felt so stupid after for telling myself I couldn’t do it for so long when in actuality all I had to do was believe in myself.

Not only was riding the bike exhilarating but I had never felt so accomplished in my life. Then I thought to myself, if I can do something that I thought I never could, what else am I missing out on? As much as this may sound cheesy, the power is all in your mind. If you walk into work thinking that you’re going to have a bad day and that your boss is going to nag, you will then approach the situation in a manner allowing that situation to occur. If you turn it around, you’ll be in a better mood, getting your stuff done,  preventing your boss from having anything to nag about. When you start to realize how easy it is to turn things around in your favor, you begin to do it all the time. Thus becoming a very healthy habit, that only good can come from.

With that said, if you decide to assume a situation or predict how a person might be, it could be dangerous. Try to be open and positive and surely it will come back to you. Send out the positive and it will come right back like a magnet. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt and just be the great person that you are. Chances are that great personality you have will rub off onto the new person you just met, allowing both of you to enjoy each others company. Last time I checked we are not mind readers, so do not try to predict how someone will act under any circumstance until they show you who they are. Then you are free to make as many judgments as you want, although I would refrain from that, because you’re not perfect either. Just remember, assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME.

be sure to taste your words, before you spit them out.

In moments of anger and happiness, we sometimes say things we don’t mean. We say the first thing that comes to our mind , and we’re satisfied in that moment. Later on, you have time to think about what you said, you begin to feel remorse because you now understand how that comment might have made that person feel. You feel stupid and you wish you could take it all back right away, so you try and do just that. You call the person and you tell them how sorry you are. You explain to them how you were feeling in that moment and although thats no excuse it will never happen again. It takes some convincing but soon enough the person you hurt forgives you and all is well and you feel some relief. Forgiveness is great don’t get me wrong, second chances are sometimes deserved but what about when forgiveness is not enough. You know the saying ” forgive, but don’t forget”, well theres more truth to that quote than you might think.

With taking an interaction and communication class, I was able to learn a lot about how important communication is. We all know that we need it to do just about anything and there are many ways to do it. There are also many different languages that we are able to communicate in, languages being one of the greatest functions that we humans possess. As much as we see communication to be the threshold of our society, there is also an aspect of it that some of us haven’t realized yet. I’ll be honest I only realized this aspect yesterday and it made me think about a lot of things that i’ve said. It’s not a good feeling at first because you feel that you may have said too much. It is after the fact that you realize that you can look at communication in a different way for the rest of your life, and I believe that looking at it in this way will benefit your future relationships.

Believe it or not, communication is irreversible. You can apologize for something until your blue in the face but it still won’t remove that memory from the person’s mind. Let’s say you get into a fight with your boyfriend and you are so angry that anything hurtful you can say to him right now will make you feel better. You decide to hit below the belt and say ” well your mother is stupid!”. Boom. You dropped a bomb, and in that moment you’re both angry and will say anything. Little do you know the damage that small comment is going to make. Fast forward you both calm down and you feel so bad about insulting his mother. You can’t even believe that you would stoop that low and feel the worst you’ve ever felt. You apologize constantly about the comment and promise to make it up to him. You assure him that his mother is so smart, and that you were even thinking of taking her to lunch next week (great save). After hours of apologizing he finally forgives you and you’re a happy little couple again and your thankful you saved the situation. Little do you know that every time you talk about his mother he will remember you calling her stupid. Every time you’re with his mother, he will have the image of you yelling how stupid she was. It’s not like he’s going to tell you he remembers, but I bet you anything he will.

The point is, we need to start realizing that we say too many things we don’t mean out of emotion. Whether it be ”  I hate you” or ” I love you” or whether you mean it or you didn’t, it is irreversible. Take a moment to think about what you’re about to say to that person and how that will affect your relationship in the long run instead of how it will make you feel right now. You want people to remember you by the things you took the time to say, instead of the all the unnecessary communication you thought you needed to use. This is where I ask you to carefully reconsider the way you communicate, because as we say, it is of great importance to us and our success. This does not mean to regret the things you’ve said because just like communication, life is irreversible, so don’t waste your time regretting things. Instead from now on, take the time to think about how others will feel if you say what you want to say, and possibly how it will make you feel if you actually say it. Joel Osteen once said “You can change your world by changing your words… Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

This post is dedicated to my wonderful teacher Zina Mowszowicz-Suissa.